White House correspondents' after-dinner jokes: Best zingers from the 'nerd prom'

Saturday night was the annual White House Correspondents? Association dinner. Here are some of the best jokes, plus a menu designed especially for Washington and Hollywood celebrities.

By Brad Knickerbocker,?Staff writer / April 28, 2013

President Barack Obama talks with Michael Clemente, Executive Vice President of Fox News, at the White House Correspondents' Association Dinner at the Washington Hilton Hotel Saturday in Washington.

Carolyn Kaster/AP

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Saturday night?s ?nerd prom? ? officially known as the White House Correspondents? Association annual dinner ? is best known for the celebrities it attracts, a reminder of Henry Kissinger?s quip: "Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac."

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But it?s also a comedy slam of sorts as the M.C. ? late-night TV host Conan O?Brien this year ? and other notables trade quips and barbs over dessert.

(In case you?re wondering, that was a concoction called ?The Galaxy? ? rich chocolate truffle mousse layered with chocolate genoise and almond macaroon; ganache truffle center finished in chocolate glaze, garnished with fresh raspberries It had been preceded by an entr?e of Texas-rubbed petite filet with a calvados demi, paired with duo of jump shrimp seasoned with red curry, roasted haricot verts, baby pepper, patty pan squash, and tasso mache choux risotto. We don?t know about you, but Decoder goes absolutely nuts over roasted haricot verts.)

But back to the rhetorical sweets and savories at the dinner. Here are some of the best, according to a variety of sources:

"It's an honor to share this stage with the president," O?Brien said at the start of his set. "When you think about it the president and I are a lot alike. We both went to Harvard. We both have two children and we both told Joe Biden we didn't have extra tickets for tonight's event."

O?Brien had plenty of zingers for the media. Among them:

?The print media are here for two very good reasons: food and shelter?. The print media still has a big star in Bob Woodward. Earlier the waiter asked if he wanted regular or decaf. And he said, ?Stop threatening me??. TIME will outlive Newsweek the way Juliet outlived Romeo?. MSNBC?s Chris Matthews is here. He has the only show where commercials exist just so they can wipe the spittle off the lens.?

And here?s some of what political junkies said were President Obama?s best jokes:

?The media landscape is changing so rapidly you can't keep up with it. I mean I remember when 'buzzfeed' was just something I did in college around 2 a.m."

"Did you know that Sheldon Adelson spent $100 million of his own money on negative ads [in the 2012 presidential campaign]? You've got to really dislike me to spend that kind of money. Sheldon would have been better off offering me $100 million to drop out of the race. I probably wouldn't have taken it, but I would have thought about it. Michelle would have taken it. You think I'm joking."

Source: http://rss.csmonitor.com/~r/feeds/csm/~3/dFpgN1uh-gI/White-House-correspondents-after-dinner-jokes-Best-zingers-from-the-nerd-prom

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Boston bomb suspect moved; FBI probe shifts focus

BOSTON (AP) ? Boston Marathon bombing suspect Dzhohkar Tsarnaev was moved from a hospital to a federal prison medical center while FBI agents shifted the focus of their investigation to how the deadly plot was pulled off and searched for evidence Friday in a landfill near the college he attended.

Tsarnaev, 19, was taken from Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center, where he was recovering from a throat wound and other injuries suffered during an attempt to elude police last week, and he was transferred to the Federal Medical Center Devens, about 40 miles from Boston, the U.S. Marshals Service said. The facility, at a former Army base, treats federal prisoners.

"It's where he should be; he doesn't need to be here anymore," said Beth Israel patient Linda Zamansky, who thought his absence could reduce stress on bombing victims who have been recovering at the hospital under tight security.

The FBI's investigation of the April 15 bombing has turned from identification and apprehension of suspects to piecing together details of the plot, including how long the planning took, how it was carried out and whether anyone else knew or was involved.

A federal law enforcement official not authorized to speak on the record about the investigation told The Associated Press on the condition of anonymity on Friday that the FBI was gathering evidence regarding "everything imaginable."

FBI agents picked through a landfill near the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth, where Tsarnaev was a sophomore. FBI spokesman Jim Martin would not say what investigators were looking for.

An aerial photo in Friday's Boston Globe showed a line of more than 20 investigators, all dressed in white overalls and yellow boots, picking over the garbage with shovels or rakes.

Investigators also have continued to interview people who were close to Tsarnaev, including two young men from Kazakhstan who were students with him at UMass Dartmouth.

Azamat Tazhayakov and Dias Kadyrbayev were jailed by immigration authorities the day after Tsarnaev's capture. Kadyrbayev's lawyer, former federal prosecutor Robert Stahl, said the pair, who had partied with Tsarnaev and other students at an off-campus apartment, had nothing to do with the attack and had no idea their friend harbored any violent thoughts.

"These kids are just as shocked and horrified about what happened as everyone else," Stahl said. He said they are being held for violating their student visas by not regularly attending classes and want to return to Kazakhstan as soon as possible.

U.S. officials, meanwhile, said that the bombing suspects' mother had been added to a federal terrorism database about 18 months before the deadly attack ? a disclosure that deepens the mystery around the Tsarnaev family and marks the first time American authorities have acknowledged that Zubeidat Tsarnaeva was under investigation before the tragedy.

The news is certain to fuel questions about whether President Barack Obama's administration missed opportunities to thwart the marathon bombing, which killed three people and wounded more than 260.

Tsarnaev is charged with joining with his older brother, now dead, in setting off the shrapnel-packed pressure-cooker bombs. The brothers are ethnic Chechens from Russia who came to the United States about a decade ago with their parents. Investigators have said it appears that the brothers were angry about the U.S. wars in Afghanistan and Iraq.

Two government officials, speaking on condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to speak publicly about the investigation, said the CIA had Zubeidat Tsarnaeva's name added to the terror database along with that of her son Tamerlan Tsarnaev after Russia contacted the agency in 2011 with concerns that the two were religious militants.

About six months earlier, the FBI investigated mother and son, also at Russia's request, one of the officials said. The FBI found no ties to terrorism. Previously U.S. officials had said only that the FBI investigated Tamerlan Tsarnaev.

In an interview from Russia, Tsarnaeva said Friday that she has never been linked to terrorism.

"It's all lies and hypocrisy," she said from Dagestan. "I'm sick and tired of all this nonsense that they make up about me and my children. People know me as a regular person, and I've never been mixed up in any criminal intentions, especially any linked to terrorism."

Tsarnaeva faces shoplifting charges in the U.S. over the theft of more than $1,624 worth of women's clothing from a Lord & Taylor department store in Natick in 2012.

Earlier this week, she said she has been assured by lawyers that she would not be arrested if she traveled to the U.S., but she said she was still deciding whether to go. The suspects' father, Anzor Tsarnaev, said that he would leave Russia soon for the United States to visit one son and lay the other to rest.

A team of investigators from the U.S. Embassy in Moscow has questioned both parents in Russia this week, spending many hours with the mother in particular over two days.

Meanwhile, New York's police commissioner said the FBI was too slow to inform the city that the Boston Marathon suspects had been planning to bomb Times Square days after the attack at the race.

Federal investigators learned about the short-lived scheme from a hospitalized Dzhokhar Tsarnaev during a bedside interrogation that began Sunday night and extended into Monday morning, officials said. The information didn't reach the New York Police Department until Wednesday night.

"We did express our concerns over the lag," said police Commissioner Raymond Kelly, who with Mayor Michael Bloomberg had announced the findings on Thursday.

The FBI had no comment Friday.

___

Sullivan reported from Washington. Contributing to this report were Associated Press writers Rodrique Ngowi in Boston, Colleen Long in New York and Pete Yost and Julie Pace in Washington.

Source: http://news.yahoo.com/boston-bomb-suspect-moved-fbi-probe-shifts-focus-021629955.html

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Touch footy touches down | Surf Coast Times ? Bellarine Times ...

A new football competition has just arrived on the Surf Coast.

Touch football, which started in Australia back in 1923 is still an emerging sport in AFL-mad Victoria, but is fast gaining in popularity as a non-contact sport that is easy to learn and fun to play.

Due to popular demand, the inaugural Surf Coast Touch Football competition has just kicked off, initially comprising nine teams, over 90 players, for both guys and girls. The competition launched last week at Torquay?s Banyul Warri Fields sports precinct, with a friendly game and function.

With many family members playing in the same teams, it promises to be a real family affair, with ages ranging from 15 to 60-plus and an even gender balance between male and female players.

Organised through the Surf Coast Shire recreation facilities team in conjunction with some committed community members, the competition will run every Thursday night over the next 11 weeks until the end of June.

It follows a series of promotional days at the Cowrie Market over the past six months and a recent six-week Come and Try program that aimed to introduce newcomers to the game.

Touch football was initially played as a training technique for rugby league and also as a social game in parks. It became a recognised sport in its own right in 1968 when the first official game of touch took place in Sydney.

By the early 1970s, touch was widely played throughout New South Wales, Queensland and New Zealand. The ensuing 40 years have seen the game?s rapid expansion, particularly across the South Pacific, Europe and the United Kingdom.

This is reflected in the cultural diversity among participants in the inaugural Surf Coast competition, with many having played touch in other countries before moving to the local area.

The game is easy to learn, requires minimal equipment and has a strong social focus, all of which make it suitable for all ages and levels ? beginners are especially welcome. Played over two 20-minute periods, with a five-minute break in between, the game?s highly aerobic nature also appeals to those looking to improve their health and fitness in a fun environment.

The arrival of touch on the Surf Coast adds to the diversity of activities undertaken at Banyul Warri Fields, which have continued to grow since the precinct opened in late 2011, and further enhances its role as a valuable community asset.

For more information or to enquire about touch football on the Surf Coast, contact the Surf Coast Sport and Recreation Centre on 5261 4606 or by email on surfcoastsrc@surfcoast.vic.gov.au.

Source: http://www.surfcoasttimes.com.au/sport/othersport/2013/04/28/touch-footy-touches-down/

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